Don’t make yourself at home
Last week a reader left this comment under our post about Raf Simons’ house:
‘Open stairs with pointy marble thing underneath – can only be a device to stop people bringing small children round to his house.’
Always thinking of our readers, we’ve come up with this handy guide for parents needing help to identify when their young aren’t welcome to venture past the porch. Parents! You want to be looking out for…
1. Hair-raising staircases. Open treads, no balustrades, hard floors – all signals that you should keep your coat on. If you think a small stumble from a great height could result in slamming fast on a hard floor, the house is not for your tots. Note, this kind of feature is also a hazard to any adult who likes a drink.
Extra danger if there’s an open fireplace at the foot of the stairs.
2. Homes with feature walls that look like stairs. The sort of design flourish that appears to be inviting small folk for a climb, but is not offering proper footing – even for tiny feet.
Oh man, the next ones actually are stairs…
3. Houses with expensive breakable displays. The easily-acceessible kind that a vigorous young person could wipe out in a single swipe. We call this one the friendship mangler – not causing anyone actual physical harm, it will have lasting psychological effects.
Hhahhahaha! ‘The Friendship Mangler’, that is the only thing to make me laugh in a very long time! Oh and so true. I have a friend who has a house, brand new, kitted out in only Danish style icon ‘pieces’, all in cream and white, I took my ‘fond of vomiting’ baby and for 3 hours clasped him to me, tensely clutching about 5 muslins. He managed it though. Right on the edge of the pure felt rug. I have not been back.
I loved this article. Piece. Whatever you call it. Well done. ‘Mangler’… still laughing!